First off, to all the "affectionate" girls in my DA life, I send hugs, kisses, and nibbles on your neck, back there behind your ear, where wisps of your hairline tickle my nose.




My love life in this 21st Century has been, shall we say?, "less than satisfying." (Starting literally as of January 1, 2001, a day that will live forever in my personal infamy.)

So you girls make more of a difference than you know. Seriously.

And especially that one of you who gave me hope, even though we'll never meet.





So how do you know when it's "love?" I've got a theory...

That when selflessness and selfishness blur together, and become indistinguishable.

Like, when giving for someone else's sake becomes as satisfying (or even more) than being given. And ideally, vice versa. Not just in bed, but in one another's lives, where "bed" ends up serving as the physical metaphor.

When both parties feel that satisfaction in one another's happiness, as if it were their own, that would seem like "true love" to me. Not a denial of one's selfish benefit, but an expansion of what provides it.

I got to experience it once, for a while. It was amazing.



So *CageyButterfly asked me a raft of questions the other night, on several topics, but these following I'd like to address.

"Then I thought "Gosh~ I hope he isn't driving himSELF into the ground over this~ again...!!!" ... WHY are you putting yourself through this?...Is it merely courage of conviction?...Is it because you signed on for the SA & you intend hell or highwater to see it through?...Because it's right?...Because you see this kind of altruism has some kind of real world pay-off for you? ( NOT a cynical question at all~ I sincerely hope you *DO* see such benefit after all this~ for yourself")."

Let me see if I can be fleet and direct, risking some appearance of hubris, but underscored by the utter humility I feel that none of my actions would matter if not for your support.

First and foremost, conviction? Certainly.

Furthermore, if I've got a profound shot at making our world a better place, and I pass it up, I'd be a hypocrite. It's plain and simple. How could I ever expect anyone else to go the extra mile?

You people have given me this opportunity, I would be remiss and ungrateful to decline it.

And, frankly, I've never felt so irreplacable in my life. Never before have I seen a situation that demands so exactly what I can bring to the table.

(For heavens sake, I'm a guy who enjoys cooperative chess!)

But, beneath all that, it doesn't really feel so altrustic to me.

I believe in the value of my art. Pretty girls in arresting compositions? Duh!

So I want it to be safe. Mine.

But even more fundamentally, more selfishly...


I do not

want to

leave

deviantART



So that means I've got to help fix what's wrong.

Though when selflessness and selfishness blur together...

It is an amazing experience.