Wrote one of my "poetic state of life" journal entries Friday night, and then lost it all in a browser crash. Shame too, it summed up a lot with unusual brevity. But especially because it took so long.

My computer situation is so bad that it takes about a minute to type twenty words into a DA text field. (I normally type about 120wpm off the top of my head.) DA (either v4 or v5) is a mangled mess in my antiquated browsers, as is half the web, and attempts to go to untested destinations (and surely MySpace) results in crashes about half of the time. (In DAv5, I can't even view deviations at all, there's no image on the pages.) Only about half my favorite blogs (and virtually none of my mainstream news sources) load worth a damn.

Minor personal annoyance about DAv5: It seems I'm gonna have to flip my avatar to "overlook" my comments again? Fortunately, I've got a flipped one already made (for my other account), but have always preferred the leftward version. (Looks more effectively authoritative while still humble. Noticed that when I built the first one, Christmas 2002.)

(Worth noting, I'm not really at all impressed with what I can see of DAv5, but neither do I feel any desire to bitch about it, even if I COULD functionally engage it. But I think my preference would be for the new tweaks in a skin more like our last one, this one appears less unique/more trendily conforming to the rest of the web to me. But, like I said, it's all a mangled mess here, so what do I know?)

(Also worth noting: I personally think art on a computer screen would look better on BLACK (or near-black) than white, where it would "shine out," but there may be prevalent UI wisdom that rules that out, I don't know.)

(Also also worth noting: Felt I should share some thoughts on the birthday and anniversary of last year's events, but found myself paralytically reticent to do so, beyond the tech difficulties themselves. Feel as if any further attention to my role in those events risks seeming unsuitably self-congratulatory, even while feeling there's an important story/POV yet to share. Suppose it'll have to wait for the history books.)

Unfortunately, all my Photoshop work has ground to a halt, which is of course just maddening. Especially when artistic inspiration finally returned somewhat last week. But I need another hard drive again, and my machine's not multi-tasking between 'shop and the net worth a damn. (I.e., that's why the laptop was such an important component to my routine before I had to give it back.)

The program in which I'd outlined my book (OmniOutliner) was an OSX application, so can't work on that with this old OS9 machine.

So I'd been craving "more time" for so long, and now that I've got no job to consume it, I've got no money with which to enjoy it, and no functional tech with which to spend it. (Can't even burn CDs at the moment.) And, not incidentally, no girl on which to lavish it, haha.

My mood's been generally good, sort of like a Valium haze to mask over some lingering bitterness (and not even over the job, just some longer-term issues), and there's plenty of hope, so I don't mean to bitch or whine too much, just express a generally helpless limbo ennui that I'm in for the time being.

Email and Notes still work, thankfully. They feel like my lifeline sometimes. (Pissed away my "real" social life in exchange for art obsession long ago, it's been creaky trying to build a new one.)

Finally made a business card (with a new image I'll post here someday) and a simple presence at justThorne.com, and got some ducks in a row during my first couple of weeks of unemployment that should turn in my favor next month (though they'll remove me even further from the life I've known, expect an "adieu" journal entry around the end of the month).

So, until then, mostly just walking a lot. (No real motivation to take pictures, though I've usually got my little Canon with me.) Just trying to get my share of fresh air.

Dreaming of better days.

And cooler ones, haha.